A Lonely Profession - Patricia Moyes

Story: A Lonely Profession

Author: Patricia Moyes

Source: Who Killed Father Christmas and Other Unreasonable Demises

This Crippen & Landru collection features 20 short stories and 1 mini novel – the earlier stories written for the Evening News and the later ones written for Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. Only 2 stories has any detection involved in them – most of the others fall into the category where the characters are plotting the murder of their near and dear ones; sometimes successfully and at other times with unimaginable consequences – but all stories culminate with a twist; sometimes guessable and at other times genuinely surprising! The best story in the collection with one of those unusual and surprising twists happens to be ‘A Lonely Profession’.

Having won numerous prizes for marksmanship in the army, the protagonist who narrates the story in the first person is in the profession of being available as a paid assassin. The assassin has set up an office under the alias of H. De Quincy and the clients are accepted only if they have a reference from one of the previous customers. The story goes on to show the various measures and the methods that the assassin uses to be on top of the profession without getting involved with the law enforcement agencies. Being a lonely profession, a young lady by the name of Lottie, who is not that intelligent to figure out Quincy’s real name or profession is brought into the household. Such a set up welcomes some of the high paying clients and one such client wants Quincy to take up a political assassination of the President of the Arab country Bashara.

The plan is set in motion by the Arab general(the client) and all Quincy has to do is to pull the trigger. The plan also includes another man taking a shot at the President standing next to Quincy – that man who is an awful shot would draw the attention of the security and police authorities and take responsibility for the murder allowing Quincy to escape. This would also give an impression to the general public that the assassination was not a politically inclined one. The general also requests Quincy to bring Lottie along, though he doesn’t say why she is required. Everything goes according to the plan except two things: the other man is not captured but is shot down and all the exits from the main square are blocked by the police.

Even then, Quincy and Lottie have no problem in escaping to their homeland and the reader is left wondering about two things: Lottie didn’t previously know Quincy’s profession and yet there is no objection from her and if all the exits were blocked, how did they escape without being questioned? Therein lies the twist of the tale!

 Other notable stories in this collection include:

1.  Who Killed Father Christmas?

One of the two stories which involves genuine detection. The toy department at the store of Barnum & Thrums has received a consignment of Teddy Bears from Hong Kong. The employees of the store, including the temporaries are allowed to buy gifts at discounted prices. All the 4 employees and 2 temps have their eyes set on the Teddy bears. The store also has the tradition of having Santa distributing gifts to children. And Santa also goes in for the teddy with a blue ribbon (the only one of that kind) as soon as he comes in to gather the gifts for distributing to the children.

They soon realize that the man in Santa’s costume is not the usual man that they hire, somebody has requested by phone to present a teddy to a child when she approaches Santa and pretty soon Father Christmas is found stabbed to death. It turns out that the person who came in as Santa was a policeman - the police having received a tip that one of the teddies contained drugs, who now have a murder on their hands with the staff of the store serving as the suspects.

2.  Hit and Run

Dr. Roger Ashburn’s wife has run away leaving a message that she can’t tolerate him, his place and his poor earnings. Police investigation fails to shed any clue on her whereabouts. The doctor must have done her in runs the rumor mill. Not able to withstand the pressure, Dr. Ashburn moves to a different location as a Pathologist. A few months down the line, a woman’s body from a hit & run accident turns up in his morgue. And the doctor is shocked to see that the body on the slab is none other than her wife – with their wedding ring intact! So was it just a case of the women not wanting to accept her failure and return back to her husband? Or was there a much sinister plot?

3.  The Faithful Cat

Herbert has only two options open to him: kill his wife or confess and ask her to pay off his debts. A third option opens up when his wife is operated and her uterus is removed. Being childless, her love is channeled to the faithful cat, Pakdee. Being emotionally week, Herbert decides to drive her insane by threatening to kill the cat and the story unfolds with some bitter complications and an ending which Herbert certainly wouldn’t have bargained for!

4.  Family Christmas

    Mr. Runfold and his wife have invited their 2 daughters and their husbands to stay with them for Christmas. Mr. Runfold strongly suspects that one of the menfolk would try to poison him (he already has a weak heart) during Christmas dinner and instructs his wife to not let anyone into the kitchen. He has even changed his will so that the money doesn’t pass on to his wife who would easily give in and part with the money. The money would go to their daughters on the death of both the parents or when the youngest daughter reaches 40(the youngest is only 20). Both the daughters have their own sob story and request for money from their Father which is duly rejected with contempt. After the Christmas meal, Mr. Runfold is found dead. The doctor brings in a verdict of natural death but Mrs. Runfold strongly believes that one of the four killed her husband.

The Riddle of The Golden Monkeys - Loren D. Estleman

Story: The Riddle of The Golden Monkeys

Author: Loren D. Estleman

Source: The Perils of Sherlock Holmes

Loren D. Estleman is the author of nearly seventy novels, including the long-running Amos Walker, private detective series, Sherlock Holmes vs. Dracula & Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Holmes. The Perils of Sherlock Holmes (Authorized and licensed by Estate of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle) consists of 7 Holmes pastiches, 3 essays and “The Serpent’s Egg”, intended as the first chapter of a collaborative ‘round robin’ novel that never came off. The author points out in the first essay that this collection of short stories is the first single-author collection of Holmes short stories published since Doyle’s own The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes (although The Exploits of Sherlock Holmes may be the exception; presented as a collaboration between Adrian Conan Doyle & John Dickson Carr, it may in fact have been written entirely by Carr).

This is a breezy read and one can see Holmes solving cases in both England & America, meeting his contemporaries like Sax Rohmer, Wyatt Earp, late of Tombstone & Dr. Holliday. There is even a story where the great Holmes fails to find a suitable solution to an interesting problem. All in all, it’s a thrill ride for the readers to dive into these thrilling investigations of literature’s most famous sleuth!

In the Riddle of The Golden Monkeys, it’s the great Sax Rohmer himself, the creator of Dr. Fu-Manchu, who consults Holmes to solve a perplexing riddle. Sax Rohmer reveals that the character of Dr. Fu-Manchu was based upon a Chinese master criminal known only as Mr.King, who was the principal supplier of opium to the whole of London. To the author’s dismay (Rohmer’s), he meets Mr. King on the streets of London, which invariably leads to him being kidnapped by him. Mr. King and several of his clients have read Rohmer’s first collection The Mystery of Dr. Fu-Manchu and they all have no problem in recognizing the character of Dr. Fu as none other than Mr. King. And this is creating business problems for Mr. King. Hence the ransom for Rohmer’s release - The Character of Fu-Manchu should never be featured in another book! Rohmer declines saying that the second book featuring his exploits has already been submitted to the publisher and is due to hit the market pretty soon. Mr. King releases Rohmer from captivity on one condition – that he should solve the riddle of the Golden Monkeys – the message being depicted by the 13 monkeys in various shapes and forms carved on the golden bowl which has been given as a gift to Rohmer (by Mr. King) in a span of 3 days. And Rohmer has no other option but to consult the greatest living detective to solve this conundrum and save his life!

In addition to the wonderful solution by Holmes, the story has one other highlight – the interaction between Rohmer and Watson - on the characters they have written about in their respective journals!

The Vanished Steamboat - Edward D. Hoch

Story: The Vanished Steamboat

Author: Edward D. Hoch

Source: The Ripper Of Storyville and Other Ben Snow Tales

Ben Snow is whiling away the time in New Orleans when his friend Eddie, a riverboat gambler coaxes him to come down to Vicksburg. When there is a death of a gambler and there is a vacant spot on the steamboat, Eddie decides to take the trip on the ‘River Ridge’ and try his luck with the cards. Ben Snow declines his friend’s invitation to join him on this journey from Vicksburg to St. Louis. He bids his friend goodbye from the dock and watches the steamboat till it vanishes down the Mississippi river.

The next day, the owner of the Steamboat ‘River Ridge’ hires Ben Snow to find the boat as the boat seems to be missing. The owner strongly suspects that it’s her brother who has hijacked the boat. In 24 hours, the boat should have crossed Greenville but the message from Greenville is that they didn’t see any boat. Another boat ‘Carrollton Belle’ which left St. Louis the day before and which should have crossed ‘River Ridge’ midway didn’t meet the boat at all. The Belle is now berthed in Vicksburg and the captain of the ‘Belle’ is pretty certain that the ‘River Ridge’ is not on the river. Where did the boat with 55 crew members disappear? If it’s lost on the water, somebody would have seen it by now, if it had sunk down, the coastguard officials who were dredging would have found it. They even try to use  Conan Doyle’s solution of the ‘Lost Special’ where he makes a train disappear between two stations but the application of the same on the river between two ports doesn’t fetch them the same prize!

The solution is pretty simple and I did work out the problem as to where to find the boat but you have to give it to the author for planting the vital clue to the solution right there in the open – highlighted in italics - and yet I missed it altogether!!!

The Ripper Of Storyville - Edward D. Hoch

Story: The Ripper Of Storyville

Author: Edward D. Hoch

Source: The Ripper Of Storyville and Other Ben Snow Tales

The Ripper of Storyville is the first book collection of one of Hoch’s most imaginative creations, Ben Snow, the nineteenth century gunman who wanders through the West with two of his companions – his horse and his derringer pistol. Hoch combines ingenious plotting with a strong sense of time & place – thereby making it both Western and Historical mysteries. Snow is a fast draw and a crack shot and is often mistaken for Billy the Kid, and is hired for his shooting services. The first seven Ben Snow stories were written 30 years ago for The Saint Mystery Magazine. The series was resumed in Ellery Queen’s Mystery Magazine after a break of 19 years; this collection features all the 7 written for SMM and 7 from the ones published in EQMM.

In the title story, Ben Snow travels from Texas to New Orleans to find Kinsman’s daughter Bess in the red light district of Storyville. Kinsman is on his deathbed and wants his daughter to come back and take over the millions that she is due for. The reason for hiring a gunman? Jack the Ripper is suspected to be operating in the area and already 2 prostitutes have met a gory end. And by the time Ben finds Bess, the body count has gone up to 3 and Bess is not in a mood to go back to her Father.  Ben not only has to persuade Bess to come back with him but he needs to keep her alive till the killer is caught. The 4^th victim happens to be Bess’s own roommate. Snow has no other option but to investigate and find the link amongst the 4 women. … Which when he does with some clever deductions eventually leads to the fact that the Ripper’s final victim is none other than Bess!

Death Among Friends - Cyril Hare

Story: Death Among Friends

Author: Cyril Hare

Source: Death Among Friends & Other Detective Stories

To quote Michael Gilbert from the introduction to this title: The other way, in which the crime story differs from its more lawful kin, is that it is often presented as a conjuring trick. The narrative is but a piece of entertaining patter, designed to fix your attention upon the conjurer’s right hand, whilst his left hand is palming the black-jack with which he plans to hit you in the final line. To my mind Cyril Hare had very few equals at this.

One of the very succinct stories which best exemplifies the above praise is the title story. Sir Charles Gilray, the Chairman of the Wimblingham Motor-works was cordially detested by most of his subordinates. But in case of Powell, the chief engineer at the works, he had aroused a feeling of loathing which could be assuaged by nothing short of murder! Powell had only one true friend in his colleague McDougall! McDougall’s wife and Sir Charles are lovers. Rapidly and methodically, Powell makes his plan to avenge both(himself & his friend) at one blow.

The circumstances present itself when Sir Charles introduces the shift system. He took advantage of this system to visit Sylvia on evenings when McDougall was taking a turn of night duty. Powel ascertains that during these visits, Sir Charles is careful in letting the car rest in a lonely lane. Powell’s plan is rig up the brakes on one such night which would lead to the accidental death of his arch nemesis – but in spite of his brilliant design, things go horribly awry and the story concludes with a typical O’ Henry style of ending.

The Death Of Amy Rosbart - Cyril Hare

Story: The Death Of Amy Rosbart

Author: Cyril Hare

Source: Death Among Friends & Other Detective Stories

The thirty stories which make up this book come in all shapes and sizes but they can broadly be classified into three categories – there are stories with a legal background, stories dealing with murder and stories dealing with other criminal excursions. The stories dealing with murder can further be classified into pure puzzles, inverted detective stories and straightforward pieces of narrative. The Death of Amy Rosbart, the longest story in the collection, depicts the traditional detective story at its best.

Gus, Chairman & Managing Director of Cyclops Films Ltd is celebrating the opening of his first film and in attendance are his close associates. The drama starts after the party is over among the 4 who stay back in Gus’s house. The cast includes a champion swimmer who swims twice a day without fail to keep himself in shape, his wife who knows about all the females her husband has been running around behind her back, the wife’s lover who wants her to divorce her husband, Camilla the actress loves the champion swimmer – who equally reciprocates her feelings and the host.  The actress is found dead outside in the garden with her head smashed - looking as if she committed suicide by throwing herself out of her first floor room window. But there are two facts which Inspector Mallet points out which points to murder: the actress was found dead not under her room window but by the adjacent room’s window & the towel wrapped around her head as though she had gone swimming! In the final act, the inspector asks everyone to re-enact the events of the previous night to catch the killer - fairly clued & wonderfully plotted.

Blood Pressure - Damon Runyon

Theme: Queen’s Quorum Titles

Story: Blood Pressure

Author: Damon Runyon

Source: Guys & Dolls

The nameless narrator of this story has been warned by the doctor that his blood pressure is way beyond normal and hence should avoid all excitement. Just when he is thinking that it wouldn’t be too difficult not to get excited, he bumps into Rusty Charley, the hardest man in the world and the last guy that anyone would want to meet. Rusty is a big man who thinks nothing of knocking people down, a man who would shoot down people if he doesn’t like the way they wear their hats. On top of that Rusty is broke! Rusty requests our Guy to accompany him to Nathan Detroit’s crap game, a seedy place where our guy can hardly suppress his excitement! But he cannot say no to Rusty.

And hence starts a very funny and a nerve racking adventure for our narrator: accompanying Rusty to a crap game where everybody knows that Rusty is cheating but no one dares to question him, followed by a game of stuss in another seedy place called Ikey The Pig’s, knocking the taxi driver out and driving away with his taxi, followed by a visit to a joint called Bohemian club - the last place that anyone would go when there is positively no other place in town open, provoking the coppers in the Bohemian club leading to a big fisticuff with Rusty emerging victorious and so on. Will our narrator live to see another day? Will his blood pressure hold up amidst all the excitement that he can’t handle? He very shortly ends up with his doctor again ….